Posted in Life stories

Rock Bottom

I have hit rock bottom twice and I am still here fighting.  Once you have the only way is up.

Rock bottom because the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life – J.K. Rowling

The first day I hit rock bottom was the worst day of my life. I had failed my first year of medical school and the boy I was completely in love with (I mean that I thought this guy was the one, the love of my life), the boy I had lost my virginity to left me. Via an email. The second time I hit rock bottom, three years later, was an even worse day, it then won the worst day of my life. Thus, I decided I needed to change my life, and that it was in my hands. Now don’t get me wrong. That decision didn’t come overnight, I was at rock bottom for a few weeks before that came, and that decision was the hardest one I ever made, but finally the penny dropped that in my life I had to be the most important person.

Now, that may seem obvious to some of you, but I had spent the entirety of my life putting myself last, not the first that was necessary. So, for me this was the biggest change I had ever made both in my mindset and in my actions. I was trying to decide whether to take some time out of university of not, I made a pro and con list. About half way through the list I realised that the majority of the things on it were about other people “leaving my friends”, “my grandparents reaction”, “how it would affect my parents” and it hit me. This was my life, my decision, my health and happiness. Why were other people’s feelings and thoughts so much more important than my own? That’s the moment it hit me. They aren’t.

Now whilst this revelation was over four months ago, I still struggle so much to behave as though this is true. Because whilst my logical brain knows this to be true, my emotive brain does not. I feel guilty when I put myself first, which makes absolutely no sense, but I am taking my year out of university to concentrate on doing things for myself and to do things I enjoy. This blog is one of those, and nicely is also one where I can give an honest account of how things are going.

Rock bottom is horrific, don’t get me wrong, but it is nice to know things can’t actually get any worse, and it’s also good to have a life changing realisation (well at least if you need one!)

Thanks for reading, keep smiling. Until next time, bye!

Kayleigh

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I'm a bullet journal junkie.

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